My Girl

A year ago today we received the shock of our lives.  I never imagined that the little girl I was about to give birth to would change my world in the way that she did.  I will never forget the emotions I had on October 3, 2011 @ 1 in the morning.  Even though I may never forget them, they are so far from where we are today.  I know that the feelings I had were human. The fear was realistic. The tears were  pure and sad.  We knew nothing about Down Syndrome and it terrified me.

Today I have a totally different story. Today I can't even bring myself to understand the emotions I had just a short year ago. How was I sad? ? How did I look at her and wonder if we would bond? I feel the tears in my eyes because today I feel shame for having those feelings.  You may think that is ridiculous but it is so true. I look into those sweet eyes today and wonder how I ever cried...  It's the guilt of her ever knowing I cried the day she was born.  The guilt of the unbearable sadness for the fear of what type of life was in store for her. The guilt that stirs knots in my stomach to think she would ever feel as if she was ever a disappointment. I was never disappointed in her. I was disappointed in Down Syndrome. In what exactly the meaning of Down Syndrome meant.

I feel Sawyer has changed our lives in so many ways.  She is exactly who I wanted her to be... Sawyer Brookes Martin.  She is the daughter of Cody and Brikki Martin. She is the sister of Cohen Martin.  She is a grand-daughter, a niece, a cousin, a friend.  She IS NOT Sawyer with Down Syndrome.  I prayed that God would lead me to understand the path he chose for us and in this past year I have seen the light.  I can now say Thank You! We are so lucky.  Not because my little girl has DS, but because my little girl is healthy and happy. This small part of her anatomy has shown me the more important things in life. It has brought me to the mother I am today and the woman I have become.  I can't imagine our life without her in it. I would never pray she would be anyone different than who she is.

There are still times when I see friends who have children the same age as Sawyer and they are crawling, walking, talking, etc. Things that most 1 year olds do.  There are times when I feel a bit of sadness for her (not me) while watching, then I quickly snap out of it.  Who, selfishly, wouldn't want their babies to stay babies a little bit longer? I love babies, so God definitely gave me the perfect package :) There will soon come a day when she won't be do dependent on us.  We will continue to work hard for her independence, but until then I'll love up on my cuddle bug a little longer.

Now I will stay realistic...Yes I will always wonder about her future and what her limitations will be due to Down Syndrome. If I could take away any limitation she will ever face I would, would, but wouldn't every parent?  Yet, I know that she will do whatever SHE wants.  Her views of life my be different than the views she may have had without an extra chromosome. But that is besides the point. HER goals in HER life will be HERS! We will push her towards her goals (maybe even a little harder) because this momma will not allow her to accept anything but the best she can be!

The other day I was thinking about Cohen and Sawyer and the bond that they have. It made me realize that Cohen has never been mean to her or even jealous of her one day in her life.  There are not many out there who can say the same. I am not saying they will never fight because I know they will. But I can say that Cohen has a special part of him that gives his sister more love than I have ever seen a 2 year old give their younger sibling.  And they way they look at each other is pure joy.  It is like God instilled this little piece of sweetness in him just for her!  This is looking back at year of love between them....

She is and will always be the daughter I dreamed of having.  She is going to tell me her inner most secrets and we will continue to grow our mother-daughter bond. It amazes me how my human instinct had me so worried we wouldn't have these things.  But we do and we will because...
She is.... MY GIRL!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SAWYER! WE LOVE YOU!

"I have been blessed with so much more than I deserve."

             - Martina McBride

Together Time

Sorry for the delay! My blog was acting crazy and I could not figure out how to make it work...

So our agenda of relaxing on the beach everyday changed drastically...

The drive was not bad at all.... Being that Sawyer looked content the entire time...

We had to stop twice for Cohen to use the bathroom, which didn't faze us! After this trip I am happy to say Cohen is officially POTTY TRAINED! woo hoo! Life just got a little bit easier! This is his proud / I'm cool walk for being a big boy!

Cohen did NOT sleep until we saw this sign...

Which means he was awake the whole trip!! And was actually really really good!

We arrived in San Antonio around 3pm Wednesday afternoon. Checked into our room. Oh our room.... It was pretty small. (I booked it quickly because the first few places we called were completely booked!). Yet our room was just the right ingredient for what we wanted all along!... TIME TOGETHER...

We quickly got our things situated and headed to the River Walk. We had trouble finding a place to eat and came across a Chili's around the River Mall and decided to hurry and grab a bite. We were like a few lost hoodlums when we walked out of Chili's... Cody and I started laughing when we routed our walk back and realized we had about a 20 minute walk to our room. Now... we only brought Sawyer a stroller, so Cohen is exhausted at this point, but he was such a trooper! We rotated holding him and he walked part of the way.

Thursday was SEAWORLD! 

Note: We were not the only people there. We were just the few who paid a VERY WORTHY extra $5  for closer parking!

When we first got there we had to take in the experience... We took a family picture for a keepsake!

We did many things during our day... We watched a 4D movie which scared the kids half to death. It was a Sesame Street movie but Cody and I even jumped a few times. Water really splashed on you, the seats move, air comes out from your seat (as a wind).... Cohen did not stay in his chair alone for long!!!! 

We watched the dolphin "AZUL" show! Which they both thoroughly enjoyed!

                   

Then we headed over to the "Bay of Play". It was hot and Cohen wanted to play in the water. So we put on his bathing suit and headed on over...

They were having a Sesame Street show near by so Sawyer and I went sit and watch the end of that.  Then Cody took a picture of us with Abby (I think that is who this is! LOL!)
As you can see Sawyer is not, in the least bit, fazed by her...

The boys watched us from afar... Cohen was not interested in taking a picture with any of them.

Cohen and I enjoyed the little rides...

 

Getting a little A/C while waiting on the SHAMU show!

Cohen wanted to hold Sawyer while we were patiently waiting on Shamu to start!

And then Shamu and his friends arrived!

The kids enjoyed their day more than I expected. Sawyer is so little I figured she would "whatever" with it, but I was wrong! She was so excited the whole time. 

Cohen was amazed and couldn't wait to get started on our adventure for the day! 

We ended our trip in Houston... 

We stayed at my Nanny Kate and Uncle Doug's house and went to see the Astro's play.

This trip was just what we needed... Time for us to come together as a family! We wanted time together... Time just the four of us! And we got just that.  We are so lucky to have all that we do! I can't imagine living this life any other way! 

Hello Hurricane Isaac...Goodbye Gulf Shores!

Well, this year our vacation didn't go quite as planned. Cody and I have been saying for over 6 months that we wanted to take a vacation just the four of us. We wanted our family to feel "together". And together we were...
A few months ago we booked our trip to Gulf Shores. After figuring out a few minor details we were booked and anxiously awaiting "our" family vacation to the beach. We had planned on leaving early on the Wednesday before Labor Day and come home the Sunday before Labor Day,  to miss the holiday traffic... Only a few days before our trip, Hurricane Isaac decided to interrupt all of our plans.... Cody and I both put in our vacation time and we were NOT going to let this storm take 1 day away from us.
The night before we were leaving we had "Hurricane Party" next door...

So, as the storm hit New Orleans Wednesday morning we had to make a decision... We could not get to Alabama due to flooding, and road closures so we headed the opposite direction. San Antonio was our destination....

I feel like God keeps throwing the same life lesson at me... YOU CAN NOT PLAN TOMORROW, I beginning to realize that you really CAN'T PLAN TODAY!!!

Vacation Post and pictures to follow!

10 months ago....

Just 10 months ago we didn't know what life would be like with a little girl in our lives. But 10 months later we can't imagine life without her here!
These are a few pictures from our 10 month home photo shoot!

She is so funny! It was like she knew we were taking pictures because she is 10 months old! haha

She is definitely one of the HAPPIEST babies I have ever known.... 

And I love this picture of Cohen kissing her.... Priceless

OH how l lucky we are to have such beautiful children. Inside and out! The way Cohen is smiling at her. Unexplainable!

"Family" Vacation

Well today is bitter sweet. My mom along with my sister and her family left for the beach this morning (my dad is meeting them later in the week) and Cody and I have chosen not to go with them this year.  We feel like we need time alone! We need to take our beach trip just the 4 of us and enjoy our little family.  It is amazing how much a "change up" and get you swinging harder than you would have with an expected "fast ball".   We have learned more about ourselves and more about our parenting skills in the past 9 months.  I would have never in a million years thought I would take this years vacation just us.... Because for the past 6 years we have only missed 1 vacation with them.... Most of those years the Destin Crew was.... My parents, My sister's family, and my In-Laws.  So this year we are changing it all up...

Here are a few pics to show the past few years of family vacation.

2007
I can't seem to find a picture from 2007. I know we took some but for some reason I can't find the album with the pictures in there. We took beach pics all together, matching in our jeans and white polo's. I will continue searching and upload a picture once I find them. But 2007 was the first year we ALL (including my family & Cody's family) went to the beach together. 


2008

We went on our honeymoon in 2008. So this is the one year we missed out on family vacation.  This is a picture of us with the friends we made. Angela and TJ. You can hear some on Angela's music on itunes, etc. Just look up Angela Wood. She is amazing and a wonderful singer! I pray her dreams come true and she becomes a very known country singer!

2009

In 2009 I was pregnant for Cohen. It was our last trip as a family of 2.

2010

This was our first vacation with a baby! Cohen was 10 months old and it was so much fun! He LOVED the water and sand.  And still does!


2011

I was pregnant for Sawyer during our 2011 trip.


But that's what happens, as a parent you have to make decisions that are best for your family.  We both feel that Cohen needs time with us centered ONLY around him and Sawyer and.... For a vacation himself.
I can't wait for OUR vacation, OUR family.  I will miss our parents, and nieces, but I am truthfully ecstatic about our trip. The new memories we will make on our own. Doing what our parents did for us. Going on a vacation with just them and their kids.  I know it will be more work. I know we will only have each other to tend to a 10 month old and 2 1/2 year old when we would have had a lot more than our hands to help out!  But it will only make us stronger! I just can't wait!

Superman x 2

You know those friends from childhood who were such a major part of growing up you can think of them in a second? I think that is the way these 2 will think of each other. I really hope they stay life long friends and can later reminisce of their childhood years.  I would have never imagined a few short years ago Cody and I would have our Best Friends right next door! "Aunt Lin" and "Uncle Mike" and Thomas have become a part of our family! and I am pretty sure they feel the same about us :) Thomas joined the clan shortly after Cohen started to think his "vacation home" was only a few steps away from his own front door.  Now his once, vacation home, is occupied by his best friend! 

They can even look back at how they matched their clothes for a good ole Saturday Bar-B-Q. 

The boys enjoyed their day. They played Baseball...

Nice Follow Through!

They played football...

They mowed the grass...

Then after a hard days work they cooled off with some water and a dip in the pool. 

"There is something about childhood friends that you just can't replace"

         -Unknown

Paradise

Cody has recently been saying that the song, "Paradise" by Coldplay reminds him of Sawyer.
He listens to it all the time, so I decided to listen, really listen. I didn't understand at first where he was coming from but now I think I do. Any song can have different meanings to any one person. You may think of this song one way (and it may or may not be the intentional meaning from the musician), but it is yours. So after taking in the lyrics:

                "When she was just a girl
                 She expected the world
                 But it flew away from her reach so
                 She ran away in her sleep
                 And dreamed of
                 Para-para-paradise, Para-para-paradise, Para-para-paradise
                 Everytime she closed her eyes"
                              -Coldplay

I actually had tears in my eyes when I first started thinking about it. But this song can have so much hope. My precious girl may have more obstacles to embrace than many other children. Yet with all of that, she honestly has the world at the tip of her fingers and I believe will always reach her PARADISE. She will dream of her paradise just like we all do. I pray that her dreams come to reality and the world will accept that we are all different. I can only pray that parents raise their own to love and respect everyone is this world. So next time you hear this song, you may think of it in this way or in another. I pray that my baby girls "paradise" never flies out of her reach, I pray that she gives others the light to see their own "paradise", that "paradise" is not only a dream, but a common reality to live in. My girl is so happy I pray no one ever takes that "full face" smile away from her or her dream of "Paradise".  Thank gosh she has the brother she does, because I know deep down inside Cohen will never allow anyone to take away Sawyer's love for life!