Choose to Wilt or Bloom

I just finished reading Kelle Hampton's memoir, Bloom.  I opened the book eager to read and see how our stories matched up. I turned each page anticipating what was to come. Did it make me sad? Not really...  Did it make me happy? Not any happier than I am... But it DID make me think.  Through her book I learned that some may think I too am in denial. I don't think about Down Syndrome daily and to be honest I sometimes forget it is a part of our lives. I know that there will come a time when I will notice there are differences and challenges Sawyer will face, but right now I want to live in the moment. I know after much soul-searching I am not in denial, I am just living in the concept of my reality. She is doing so well and I want us to live our lives to the fullest. Why let the future take away the joy of today? Am I scared of what the future holds? Yes. But I have come to realize that in any situation the future can be a scary thing. I am not in denial and know that the future we had planned will be a little different. But change is sometimes good. When we were in the hospital the social worker who came and spoke with Cody and I gave us the best advice. She first asked if we had any other children. We replied, "yes". And she then said something that will stick with me forever... "You don't know what the future holds for Cohen any more than you know what the future holds for Sawyer." She was so right... And at that moment in time I think I truly became, "okay".
I may think I know Cohen's future because he came into this world perfectly healthy but I don't... I honestly can't wave a magic wand and have his future just as I see it in my head. He may or may not play sports and be a wonderful athlete (because at this moment in time that is what the future looks like for him...an out of this world athlete). But who is to say he will want to play football in 5 years. 2 years. or even 6 months from now...

After reading the book I pondered my brain on why I DON'T want to do the Buddy Walk... Why I DON'T want to be a part of the Down Syndrome Association and after searching I realized it is because I don't want Sawyer to feel different. Society already labeled her before she was born.  The world says she is different. I want to stand up for her and let her know that she can be whoever she wants to be and a simple diagnosis won't stop her. I want her to know that college is NOT impossible. And at this moment in time I feel as if these wonderful, yes wonderful groups will label her just as society does. Now, let me say that I think the Buddy Walk is great for those who want to be a part as well as the Down Syndrome Association.  People need others, and I know that. Am I saying I will never be a part of this, No... I can't say what my future holds. I may one day have a different feeling and feel that joining will make me a better mother.  I will do whatever I can in my power to make sure this little girl knows how much she is loved. I will do whatever I have to in order for her to succeed to her fullest potential. But right now I feel that in order to make her succeed I have to stand up for what I believe in this moment. 

Kelle's book title is perfect. When we are put in a situation that is not expected do we Wilt or Bloom? I believe I have chosen to Bloom. I feel as though I have changed as a person. I can not control what tomorrow brings. I also can't control what others think and to be honest I don't want to. I want to know that I have my security blanket and that is our family. I want to be the best role model I can be for both of my kids. I want them to follow by my example and I had to do some growing up to get here. I want both of my children to know how much they mean to us and how much they enrich our lives. Neither one of them is more special than the other.  I look to them both as our little miracles. Although, I never thought the birth of my second child would allow me to become someone new. To learn more about myself than I realized. I have found that I have more strength than I ever knew. I have more faith than I ever expected. I have more courage that I thought was possible. How lucky am I... You really should not question why? There is always a greater meaning... And these are our 2

"You never know how STRONG you are until being STRONG is the only choice you have"

-Anonymous

Here Comes Peter Rabbit

Easter was pretty nice and relaxing this year. When we woke up the kids discovered what the Easter bunny left at our house...

We went to church and stood outside because it was so packed then headed over to my parents.
We spent the morning at my parents and the afternoon at Cody's parents....
The kids enjoyed themselves! My mom rented a fun jump and had a sprinkler.

It was such a beautiful day we spend the majority of it outside.

I can not believe Sophie Kate has grown up so fast. It is like yesterday my nanny had her first baby (Kate) who I fell instantly in love with.  I was the "baby-phene" of the family and babysat for her. I could not get enough of her.  She now reminds me a lot of myself. She will wait patiently for you to hand over Sawyer and as soon as you do she won't give her up. Her arm can be dead asleep and you will never know because she DOES NOT want to give up holding the baby...

 

Hutch played with Cohen and man did he love it!  Hutch and Sophie Kate are siblings. And Audrey Grace is their families caboose! I watched Hutch growing up as much as Sophie Kate. So I feel like we have a bond that we formed when they were itty bitty's... 

It is refreshing to see how they now play with my little ones... Who would have ever thought life would continue and change so much.... 

Then the water table was filled and the splish splash fun began... Thank Goodness I brought few sets of clothes for Cohen (I think he changed 5 times).  

Cohen and Cambri ended up with bottoms only standing in the water table. They are so funny...

Half a year

WOW! What half a year can bring...
Sawyer turned 6 months old! She is getting so big!
We are almost able to sit up! Practice makes perfect so mommy is doing everything possible to get there completely.  Cohen is so much more of a help than he knows.  When they play on the floor together she will roll any way just to make sure he is in her sight. There aren't many more words needed to explain the past 6 months... These recent pictures say it all...

6 Months Old!!!

Laughing at her big brother

No words needed...

New Trick...sitting up

She thinks it is funny when she pulls his hair

2 1/2 years old!

Happy Happy Happy

The little conversations... (She was in the midst of changing...If you know me she does not just wear a diaper! LOL)

"Miracles come in moments. Be ready and willing"     -Wayne Dyer
                              

"Friend"

Friends come in and out during the course of ones life... Some friends are there for certain experiences and fade over time. When Cody and I got married and started having kids we began to see that friends change... People change.  Some friends are so rare and special they stay with you through life. Sometimes we lose touch with certain people but circumstances bring you back together by fate! Then sometimes you find the friends you always longed for, the ones you know will be there until the end! These friends are hard to find.  I can't imagine not having a sister, just the comfort in knowing that she will ALWAYS be there is a relief.  She is my sister but also my friend... And I know that my kids will feel the same way about each other (I think they already do...)

This past year has made me think a lot about who my "True" friends are.... And I have come to realize that "True" friends are REALLY hard to find!  The people who step up when you need them most are the Friends who won't fade. They won't be a phase of life.  I can't begin to explain the gratitude I have for the ones who stepped up for me almost 6 months ago! The ones who were there to listen, the ones who were there to talk, the ones who gave me advice,  the ones who were there to meet our precious girl... I can't begin to say how thankful I am to you! I also can't imagine exploring this journey of life without Cody.  My husband is my best friend and it is wonderful to know we will be by each other's side with all of the experiences we will live. He is my Rock!

As I look a these following pictures... I realize that my kids already have "True" friends... 

Ramsey and I always say how lucky we are to have each other and how lucky Sawyer and John Talbott are to have one another. But really... Cohen is as lucky to have Caroline and Parker... and so is Sawyer.  These kids are going to have one another to lean on.  I never thought about how thankful I am that Ramsey has 2 older kids. Cohen won't be alone in his journey either. Because this is his journey as well!  They will all experience the remarkable experiences of life and they have no clue the amazing people their younger siblings will bring them to become.

Look at the way they are looking at each other. I felt comfort in knowing that he will be there to protect Sawyer and Cohen (especially when they are all in school together :))

Sawyer felt completely comfortable when she woke up to find Parker on the side of her. Look at how sweet, he is holding her hand... I actually just noticed this in the picture. 

These are the lifelong friends that we all so desperately desire.  And it is amazing to know that these 2 kids will keep us together.  Cohen has only seen them a hand full of times and I can't explain the excitement on his face when I told him we were going to their house the other night. When we pulled into their driveway he couldn't get out of his seat quick enough. Then he saw Caroline and Parker run around in the front yard to come and meet him. When he finally got out it was like he had known them forever.  He was at complete ease, like he knew he belonged and I think they felt the same way with him. That was such a special moment. 

 

Our two families have so many mutual friends it is amazing that we did not know each other before. It is complete fate how Ramsey and I both talk "a mile a minute", how Kevin and Cody enjoy hanging out and having a nice, cold beer, how Caroline and Parker get along so well with Cohen, and how close in age Sawyer and John Talbott are... I mean come on, complete fate!  I could not have hand picked a better family! I can only imagine how many memories we will all share together.

I believe that one can have many acquaintances, but you really only have a handful of True friends. 

Embrace the Unexpected

Ramsey sent me a text today to let me know it was "WORLD Down Syndrome DAY". Okay to be honest here, my heart sank... A day of different? A day to represent something out of the ordinary! Why?!?! 

After we texted I can honestly say I didn't think much about it. 

Then I came across this video on her facebook page! Okay really this is something to be proud of.  I can't say I have ever watched a video centered around DS and had a smile on my face. But this video... Just explained it all....Something I pray my friends and family watch and form a different mind-set. We don't want you to look at us differently, we don't want you to feel sorry for us, we are perfectly fine... And this video says it all. It says everything I want to say... It says all of the feelings I can now embrace. We are no different than we were before.... 

Kevin, Ramsey, Caroline, Parker, and John Talbott Ayers.... We can not begin to explain the happiness we have with your family in our lives. It is hard to believe that 1 extra chromosome from Sawyer and John Talbott has given us lifelong friends who we now call family!

So once again! EMBRACE the UNEXPECTED... You don't know what you're missing out on!

Our Family

The Ayers

The race is on....

Cohen was in a model contest for a new collegiate clothing line on facebook. He was coming out on top then slowly lost his 1st place spot.  But, the contest ended a few hours early due to suspected cheating by someone voting for the child in first place. And needless to say he didn't win the... But we don't need anyone to tell us that this face can be a model...

He is definitely model material to this momma...
I can not believe how fast he is growing... And this picture makes him look older than her really is...


So as I am writing this post, one of my Dr Phil episodes is playing in the background. I was not paying that much attention and all of a sudden I hear the word abortion... I never really payed too much attention to this word until I had Sawyer and found out that 90% of babies with Down Syndrome are aborted... I have always had my personal belief that abortion is WRONG... But Okay really... 90% aborted just because they have DS! Who are we to choose what we are given... And why do so many think they have to put a "label" on things... Just because your baby has DS, doesn't mean they don't have a heart, eyes, a nose, a mouth, can one day... walk, talk, express feelings, and better yet... LIVE!!!!!... Who would want to give up seeing this face?

NOT ME! She is like any other baby... Really. she cries, eats, sleeps... and has a attitude like most females.... Can't imagine life without her... DS or NOT... IT IS NOT WHO SHE IS!
She is Sawyer!

So on to my original post thoughts....
We woke up bright and early and went to the Susan G Comen walk on Saturday.  My mom asked us to walk for one of her friends, Mrs. Mel.  We all went not only to support Mrs. Mel but my mom as well. She had colon cancer and I hope to never experience that kind of news again.  She was one of the lucky ones. They were able to catch the cancer early so it didn't spread and she didn't have to undergo chemo. Thank goodness. I will never forget those feelings of helplessness... I cried thinking about what life would be like without her.  I couldn't imagine it! I still wasn't married, didn't have kids and wanted her to be there for all of those milestones, plus more. I just prayed that everything would be okay and it was... it is...  She has been cancer free ever since and has experienced my wedding, my babies... and will be here for many more experiences.

So we all went to the walk with pride and support for those who battle cancer of any kind.

This was before the walk. Carlyn and Cohen shared our jogging stroller. Cambri was crying... and Sawyer was sound asleep.

Sawyer and I didn't make it too far on the route because sister was hungry. So we literally got 100 feet and had to stop and eat....

Miss attitude...

Sawyer and I made it to the finish line first and patiently waited on everyone else.

and waited... 

Then Shenee and Cambri came and met us and we made our way back to the, end of the race games. Cohen was enoying a game of basketball (with his long t shirt) and Carlyn was playing as well

                                

Everyone was tired after a long 5K. As you can tell....

We raced for a cure... A cure for cancer and the unknown.  

The Clan...

Hello Blog! I am back... I feel like this past week flew by. Now that Sawyer can actually be out and about  and the weather is nice we have been non-stop!

Cousins are wonderful, but 1st cousins are the best! I love the way my kids will be able to experience being close to their 1st cousins. Shenee and I didn't get so lucky. My mom is an only child and my dad has 1 brother who has never lived here so we were never able to have that bond.

Carlyn is the leader of the pack! She is 5 going on 20 and an attitude out of this world! My how she is growing up quick. I remember when she was still this little..... I called her a "drama queen" then and she still has the name today!

Cohen and Cambri are only 2 months apart so they have a "love / hate" relationship.  I remember when they would sit next to each other peacefully! Now we are lucky to have those kind of moments when they are that close!

Sawyer is the baby of the pack and treated like a baby doll! Cohen and Cambri talk to her like they are so much older! With there little "baby" voices!  I still can't get over how much she has grown.  It is hard to believe she was so tiny when she was born. She was so small she could fit in my wedding shoe box. I have to say I do have trouble remembering her this little...

So the other night I asked them to take a picture all together and this is what I got....

Take 1- Sawyer is holding on for dear life! 

 They had complete excitement on their faces.... Like it was such a treat to lay on the floor all together and take these pictures. And yes... They were yelling!

Take 2- Her grip is tight... Watch your hair girls! 

 Cambri didn't get the memo that we were continuing on the picture taking. She decided that her face had a little itch! And yes she does have a black eye (clumsy mumsy ran into a cot at school).

Take 3 - Finally... Cheese! 

I am so happy they will all get to grow up together. This clan can't be touched. Cohen looks up to Carlyn more than she realizes. And when Cambri isn't around he asks for her... But I dare him to act like he loves her in person. haha... That is a joke! And don't let that sweet face fool you! She has got the word "slick" down pat!  I think Sawyer has just completely stole all 3 of their hearts!

Many don't realize how lucky they are to be close to their 1st cousins and to tell you the truth our kids won't either. You never realize how lucky you are when you have something. It's the things you don't have that make you think...  They will only know life with their cousins. I hope that I can be the aunt to these 2 girls I always dreamed of being. The aunt I always wanted... Shenee and I never had that. We never had the bond with an aunt or uncle. It makes me smile to know that my kids will have an aunt and uncles (Maybe one day their Parrain (Cody's brother) will get married... (only to someone we approve of) and they will have more 1st cousins to love....)!

"Cousins are those childhood playmates who grow up to be forever friends"
          - Anonymous