Choose to Wilt or Bloom

I just finished reading Kelle Hampton's memoir, Bloom.  I opened the book eager to read and see how our stories matched up. I turned each page anticipating what was to come. Did it make me sad? Not really...  Did it make me happy? Not any happier than I am... But it DID make me think.  Through her book I learned that some may think I too am in denial. I don't think about Down Syndrome daily and to be honest I sometimes forget it is a part of our lives. I know that there will come a time when I will notice there are differences and challenges Sawyer will face, but right now I want to live in the moment. I know after much soul-searching I am not in denial, I am just living in the concept of my reality. She is doing so well and I want us to live our lives to the fullest. Why let the future take away the joy of today? Am I scared of what the future holds? Yes. But I have come to realize that in any situation the future can be a scary thing. I am not in denial and know that the future we had planned will be a little different. But change is sometimes good. When we were in the hospital the social worker who came and spoke with Cody and I gave us the best advice. She first asked if we had any other children. We replied, "yes". And she then said something that will stick with me forever... "You don't know what the future holds for Cohen any more than you know what the future holds for Sawyer." She was so right... And at that moment in time I think I truly became, "okay".
I may think I know Cohen's future because he came into this world perfectly healthy but I don't... I honestly can't wave a magic wand and have his future just as I see it in my head. He may or may not play sports and be a wonderful athlete (because at this moment in time that is what the future looks like for him...an out of this world athlete). But who is to say he will want to play football in 5 years. 2 years. or even 6 months from now...

After reading the book I pondered my brain on why I DON'T want to do the Buddy Walk... Why I DON'T want to be a part of the Down Syndrome Association and after searching I realized it is because I don't want Sawyer to feel different. Society already labeled her before she was born.  The world says she is different. I want to stand up for her and let her know that she can be whoever she wants to be and a simple diagnosis won't stop her. I want her to know that college is NOT impossible. And at this moment in time I feel as if these wonderful, yes wonderful groups will label her just as society does. Now, let me say that I think the Buddy Walk is great for those who want to be a part as well as the Down Syndrome Association.  People need others, and I know that. Am I saying I will never be a part of this, No... I can't say what my future holds. I may one day have a different feeling and feel that joining will make me a better mother.  I will do whatever I can in my power to make sure this little girl knows how much she is loved. I will do whatever I have to in order for her to succeed to her fullest potential. But right now I feel that in order to make her succeed I have to stand up for what I believe in this moment. 

Kelle's book title is perfect. When we are put in a situation that is not expected do we Wilt or Bloom? I believe I have chosen to Bloom. I feel as though I have changed as a person. I can not control what tomorrow brings. I also can't control what others think and to be honest I don't want to. I want to know that I have my security blanket and that is our family. I want to be the best role model I can be for both of my kids. I want them to follow by my example and I had to do some growing up to get here. I want both of my children to know how much they mean to us and how much they enrich our lives. Neither one of them is more special than the other.  I look to them both as our little miracles. Although, I never thought the birth of my second child would allow me to become someone new. To learn more about myself than I realized. I have found that I have more strength than I ever knew. I have more faith than I ever expected. I have more courage that I thought was possible. How lucky am I... You really should not question why? There is always a greater meaning... And these are our 2

"You never know how STRONG you are until being STRONG is the only choice you have"

-Anonymous