36 months.

I can not believe my baby boy is 3 years old today.  I wish I could take a mason jar and capture him in it and not let him grow up.  I don't want my baby boy to grow up! I want him to stay this small, sweet, and innocent forever... Yes FOREVER!
3 years ago today Cody and I became parents for the first time and we got to meet our sweet baby boy!

The first year of Cohen's life, Cody and I learned a lot about ourselves, but more importantly we formed a new kind of love. One you have for your child. The moment Cohen was placed in my arms I learned what "parent love" was.  The bond and love I felt for him is unexplainable. This little boy stole my heart the first time I heard his heartbeat, but when I heard him cry for the first time and saw his face he didn't only steal my heart but my entire soul!

His first year flew by... Faster than I truly expected. He reached his milestones at his own pace & went through things to the beat of his own drum. The independence he has amazes me still to this day.
Here are some of his first year that make me want to smile / cry.

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Then his next couple of years came with a little more personality. Cohen became a little man who had a wonderful little spunk in him. We quickly learned that Cohen loves sports! He loves his momma and daddy.  He absolutely loves his little sister (more than I ever imagined).  He can make you smile at any moment in time.  He has a charm and wit that are out of this world. He is going to one day be a heartbreaker! But I CAN WAIT a long time for that! He is our sweet boy and I thank God daily for blessing us with him.  

And today he turns 3.... 36 months has gone by since this little man has entered our lives. My baby boy is growing like the speed of light. Cody and I were and still are, such proud parents of this little man.   He is a typical "boys boy".  This dude is up for football at any hour of the day.  He doesn't care if he is dirty and if you pick on him you aren't getting away with it.  I am sure he will get in trouble his fair share during this lifetime, but that's okay. That is how we grow up and learn.  Cohen has taught me so much in these past 3 years.  He has given me all that I dreamed of in a son and even more.  

I know I have said it before but Cohen as taught Cody and I so much, but it has become more known in this past year... His innocence and heart have showed me more about love than I could have learned any place else.  When he gets older I will explain the hope and faith HE gave to me one October day.... I can only pray as a parent he never loses his kind heart.  

This is my thank you! Thank you for who you are. I don't want you to ever become any one else. I want you to know you are one of the most precious gifts we have ever received.  God trusted us with you.  There is no denying he hand molded you into a very special young man. I believe you will only teach me more as you grow and I can't wait to see what more you have in store for us.  
Happy Birthday Cohen.... We love you to the moon and back sweet boy! 

Pink Party!

Saturday, we celebrated Sawyer's 1st birthday with Family and Close Friends! It was GORGEOUS outside! We started out bundled up because it was a little chilly.  The day couldn't have been more beautiful for my Beautiful Girl.  and Oh How I love BONNETS!

Cohen is only 2, so sometimes when we go to birthday parties he doesn't understand why he doesn't get presents.  But today, he let Sawyer have "Her Day".  He never once asked why it wasn't his birthday or showed any signs of jealousy towards the attention she was receiving. This boy.... With a smile like this and a heart so pure.... Makes me want to hug him 24/7.

Sawyer's day was filled with fun... Besides eating the cake...
She wasn't thrilled with the whole cake idea when we sang happy birthday on her Real Birthday.

But I tried again anyway... And it happened again! Sawyer became a VERY unhappy little girl.

I was able to get a few pictures but I could only take her this unhappy for so long. It lasted the entire "Happy Birthday" song, then I had to take her out of the highchair and hold my sweet girl!

I think everyone had a really good time. It was mainly family with a few close friends and I am pretty sure everyone invited showed up.  It is still hard to believe that my baby girl is already 1.  I can't seem to comprehend how fast this past year flew by.  Here are a few random pictures from the party.

Party Photo Dump:

I am so happy I was able to capture this moment between John Talbott and Sawyer. These 2 have no clue the symbolic meaning I see in this picture...
These 2 hands little hands...
These 2 little hands have connected so many in so many different ways.  These 2 little hands are precious and I am sure will be held many more times in this lifetime, They will keep each other safe. They will hopefully always have the comfort and security of the other when a "hand squeeze" from a good friend is all you need. I pray these 2 little hands guide one another.  Oh the smile I get on my face knowing Sawyer has John Talbott!  It is a precious gift God has given us for them to know one another and call each other friend!

After a fun filled day with family and friends Sawyer is officially 1.  It is hard to believe all that we have accomplished in the first year of this sweet girls life! Thank you Sawyer for all you have added to our family. and Happy Happy Birthday to YOU!

My Girl

A year ago today we received the shock of our lives.  I never imagined that the little girl I was about to give birth to would change my world in the way that she did.  I will never forget the emotions I had on October 3, 2011 @ 1 in the morning.  Even though I may never forget them, they are so far from where we are today.  I know that the feelings I had were human. The fear was realistic. The tears were  pure and sad.  We knew nothing about Down Syndrome and it terrified me.

Today I have a totally different story. Today I can't even bring myself to understand the emotions I had just a short year ago. How was I sad? ? How did I look at her and wonder if we would bond? I feel the tears in my eyes because today I feel shame for having those feelings.  You may think that is ridiculous but it is so true. I look into those sweet eyes today and wonder how I ever cried...  It's the guilt of her ever knowing I cried the day she was born.  The guilt of the unbearable sadness for the fear of what type of life was in store for her. The guilt that stirs knots in my stomach to think she would ever feel as if she was ever a disappointment. I was never disappointed in her. I was disappointed in Down Syndrome. In what exactly the meaning of Down Syndrome meant.

I feel Sawyer has changed our lives in so many ways.  She is exactly who I wanted her to be... Sawyer Brookes Martin.  She is the daughter of Cody and Brikki Martin. She is the sister of Cohen Martin.  She is a grand-daughter, a niece, a cousin, a friend.  She IS NOT Sawyer with Down Syndrome.  I prayed that God would lead me to understand the path he chose for us and in this past year I have seen the light.  I can now say Thank You! We are so lucky.  Not because my little girl has DS, but because my little girl is healthy and happy. This small part of her anatomy has shown me the more important things in life. It has brought me to the mother I am today and the woman I have become.  I can't imagine our life without her in it. I would never pray she would be anyone different than who she is.

There are still times when I see friends who have children the same age as Sawyer and they are crawling, walking, talking, etc. Things that most 1 year olds do.  There are times when I feel a bit of sadness for her (not me) while watching, then I quickly snap out of it.  Who, selfishly, wouldn't want their babies to stay babies a little bit longer? I love babies, so God definitely gave me the perfect package :) There will soon come a day when she won't be do dependent on us.  We will continue to work hard for her independence, but until then I'll love up on my cuddle bug a little longer.

Now I will stay realistic...Yes I will always wonder about her future and what her limitations will be due to Down Syndrome. If I could take away any limitation she will ever face I would, would, but wouldn't every parent?  Yet, I know that she will do whatever SHE wants.  Her views of life my be different than the views she may have had without an extra chromosome. But that is besides the point. HER goals in HER life will be HERS! We will push her towards her goals (maybe even a little harder) because this momma will not allow her to accept anything but the best she can be!

The other day I was thinking about Cohen and Sawyer and the bond that they have. It made me realize that Cohen has never been mean to her or even jealous of her one day in her life.  There are not many out there who can say the same. I am not saying they will never fight because I know they will. But I can say that Cohen has a special part of him that gives his sister more love than I have ever seen a 2 year old give their younger sibling.  And they way they look at each other is pure joy.  It is like God instilled this little piece of sweetness in him just for her!  This is looking back at year of love between them....

She is and will always be the daughter I dreamed of having.  She is going to tell me her inner most secrets and we will continue to grow our mother-daughter bond. It amazes me how my human instinct had me so worried we wouldn't have these things.  But we do and we will because...
She is.... MY GIRL!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SAWYER! WE LOVE YOU!

"I have been blessed with so much more than I deserve."

             - Martina McBride